The following was copied from the Coolspring County Ledger, June 16, 2002.

Local Engine Show Marred by Vandalism

This years engine show at the Museum was marred by several acts of vandalism committed against a particular style of engine, or motor. Many of the "Maytag" style motors were destroyed, apparently by someone wielding an axe. Show officials contacted County Constable Barney Fife, Saturday morning after discovering a few mutilated engines. Constable Fife then investigated and asked the Allegheny County Crime Task Force for assistance. It seems that the ACCTF had issued a bulletin warning of this very crime. This reporter interviewed Detective 1st Class Amos Galloway of the ACCTF;

Detective Galloway, Why, and for how long, has the ACCTF been investigating this type of crime?

"Well, to those of us in crime enforcement, this is known as a serial crime, you know, one that happens over and over and takes us a long time to solve. This series of activity has been going on for about 10 years and has bought vacation homes for lots of us investigators. It's a job and thatís what we do, you know, solve crimes. Sometimes we get a hit and then we have a few misses, but we just keep trying."

Ten years seems like a long time, have you any leads?

"Well yes, 10 years is a long time, but not as long as say, 20 years. We don't like to talk about ongoing investigations but you being a newspaper reporter and all, I guess it's OK. We have found out that this guy is very smart. For example, some times he leaves his axe behind, but never any fingerprints. We figure he's a long time criminal and has had his prints surgically removed."

But couldn't he just be wearing gloves, and why "he", how do you know it's not a women?

No this guy is just to smart to fool around with gloves. And we know it's a man, not a woman, because of DNA analysis of the saliva left on his other trademark, the unfiltered Camel cigarette butts we find at the scene of every crime."

Has the DNA results pointed at any specific perpetrators?

"Well thatís sort of odd, you see, because it seems that every other person under the age of 40 in a 10 county radius of Pittsburgh carries some of the same DNA, even some of the other investigators' children. I'm single myself. This guy really gets around. And let me tell you about the exotic dancers. It seems that this guy knows most of the dancers in every ti**y joint in western PA."

Can't you get a description of this guy from any of them, the dancers I mean?

"Well, you know there's nothing we in law enforcement do better than check out strippers, and we've done a lot of that in the last five or so years, but I never knowed that them girls knew so many big words. We wrote them down on a blackboard at headquarters and them bought a dictionary to study them with. They use words like anachronism, enigmatic and ideological. But the girls never get very far, and then they just close their eyes, begin to moan, and run their hands over their bodies. It's pretty disgusting to think that this guys roaming the area, what with all the young women all around and stuff."

How about ties to Organized Crime?

"We checked with the boys in New Kensington, but other than selling a lot of unfiltered Camels to a tall, thin, bearded man, they can't seem to help. They also lead us to the exotic dancers. Seems like this guy is urging them to get educated and then demand better working conditions and wages, and that's hard on the boys."

 Are you getting closer to catching this guy?

"Well we feel pretty good about that. About half the patrons in any given strip joint are cops, and if we spend enough time we'll run up against this guy. And I know, that he knows, that I'm close. Some of the people I've talked to refer to him as "The Galloway Man". I figger he's adopted that moniker as a sign that he knows. Other people say he's got a "big Galloway", or that his "Galloway never stops". I figger thatís a sexual perversion thing, you know, my name and his tool, if you get my drift."

Why do you think he chooses to direct his anger at Maytag motors?

"Well hell, thatís no question, everybody knows the best Maytag is a dead Maytag."